you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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