jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
