Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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