It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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