Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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