How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
