Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
