What did we do last night that was yellow?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
