saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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