"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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