My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
