well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
