On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
