K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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