Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Found your dick twin last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize