She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Even my vagina gasped.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
