I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
