we have officially lost it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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