So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
