Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
