haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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