I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
