we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
