He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
