I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
