I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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