In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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