I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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