I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
