Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
