I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
