so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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