You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
