I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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