If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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