So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
