We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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