So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
