Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
