Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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