Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She needs sedatives and a leash
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
