Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
