Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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