It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
babies were throwing up all over the place
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
