I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
