I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
