She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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