Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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