I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
