Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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