I'm lost and stupid without you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
