i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
