those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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