The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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