He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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