also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
