my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Me too!
You can't special order awesome
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
