On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
