Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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