wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
