your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
