I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize