i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it's like iHOP with fire
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
