yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
