So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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