just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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