genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
