the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
