I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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