Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize