was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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