my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
