I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
