flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
