Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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