Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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