too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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