I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
