So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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