Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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