Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
