is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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