i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
