trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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