Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
