Michael Bay diarrhea
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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