need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
