please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
