I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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