We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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