I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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