i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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