Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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