he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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