I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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