also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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