I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
