How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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