I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize