He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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