I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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