I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
